to me You are perfect, and my wasted heart will love you, until you look like this

When it comes to relationships – I am a mess.

More than a mess – pathetic. I am indecisive, anxious, and far from confident. And it is not because I don’t know who or what I want, just a debilitating fear of pursuing it. Why? For failure? Rejection? Perhaps. But also for the fear that I will, if successful in my pursuit, mess things up more than they already are. How fucked up is that? Fear of commitment, fear of failure, fear of success. In my own little screwed up world, I just can’t win.

And that, by god, is a depressing statement. For fear of sounding like Carrie Bradshaw (I’ll refrain from using the statement “I couldn’t help but wonder”)- why is it at this point in my life, when I have so many good things working for me – school, AIESEC, Egypt – that all I can focus on is the fact that I am missing out on this aspect of life. It is not for lack of wanting – just for lack of, I don’t know, balls I guess. I know what I want, just not how to get it.

Just going to continue to get the shit kicked out of me by love, I guess.

Advertisements

One thought on “to me You are perfect, and my wasted heart will love you, until you look like this

  1. Boy, does that sound all too familiar. I am plagued by the same issue dearie. But hopefully being aware of it will give you the cajones you’re lookin for 🙂

    hugs from Tunis!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s