I’m halfway through my application to AUC‘s full year program. It’s terrifying me.
I hate applications, official looking forms, and the fact that I am putting my life in the system’s hands. Eggs in the proverbial basket, so they say. I just hope that there is a basket there when I keep chucking eggs into it because I have no idea what is going to catch them if Egypt falls through.
Meanwhile, I feel like I am waiting for my life to start – and at the same time stuck in a limbo that refuses to let me do anything about it. A limbo of my own making, mind you. It’s sad that the time when I really need the motivation and drive that a conference creates, I couldn’t get myself to one. I lack everything that I need to move on – drive, determination, motivation. I don’t know where I lost it, and I don’t know where I can reclaim it, either.
There is this invisible barrier between me and everything I want right now, and I don’t think I have what it takes to break it.